Category Archives: Loss

Soul of My Voice

I am pleased to announce that my newest book, Soul of My Voice, is now available at Lulu.com. Amazon.com and BarnesandNoble.com. This text was written as a workbook/journal to accompany my first book, Soul of Voice published in 2016. However, Soul of My Voice is just as effective as a stand alone book, chuck full of essays, poems, quotes, photos, writing prompts and mandalas. Happy reading (and writing, and coloring, etc.)!!

Soul of Voice: How to Step Fully into the Truth of Your Voice

INBOX406275c548c693359ca8c3adcc2dd6ade8096I am excited to announce the recent publication of my book, Soul of Voice, which is now available in print as well as for electronic readers. Many of you have asked what it is I do in my private practice, and this book culminates my system as well as its application in a concise yet enriching manner. I plan to keep you posted when artists and other voice practitioners are utilizing my book and / or its methodology.

The Soul of Forgiveness

ghandi-quote-on-forgivenessThe lack of forgiveness is like a spiritual melanoma—if it is not attended to, it can physically as well as emotionally take a person out. Forgiveness is the warrior’s way of finding peace, whether it is between two people or within oneself. I recently viewed again Ken Burns’ 1990 documentary, The Civil War, and was struck at how on the 50th anniversary of Gettysburg, the old veterans from both sides of the battle appeared in uniform to honor the occasion. At one point the Rebels stood on the opposite side of a stone wall from the Yankees. Each side poked fun at themselves as well as their old enemies by pretending to shoot them with their fingers. The entire enactment ended with the men laughing, shaking each other’s hands and embracing their past foes. The ritual theatricalized not only the brutality of the war that they had suffered through, but their courage to live at peace with each other once the war was ended. Out of that horrific war came a unification for the North and South to no longer be divided from each other, but to be now identified solely as one nation under God—the United States of America. It must have taken great courage for those veterans to forgive one another, but they did. And I am sure it took a great deal of time and personal inventory to do so, but here we are one hundred and fifty years later reaping the benefits of their sacrifices, living in a land of peace.

Child holding a flower
Child holding a flower

So how does one go about forgiving? The playwright August Wilson had this to say: “Confront the dark parts of yourself and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing.” 

Often we have been so unforgiving for such a long time that we have forgotten what it is we are unable to forgive. Thus the first challenge is to be clear about what it is that one needs to find forgiveness for. The next step is to figure out why that event has so much emotional baggage attached to it. In other words, why has this situation or circumstance seemed so difficult to forgive unlike the many others one has forgiven in the past? Finally, it is important to be willing to challenge oneself to look at the person, event or situation from as many different perspectives as possible so as to glean a deeper understanding of the issue. The depth psychologist C.G. Jung suggests that rather than trying to forgive, the best thing one can do is stand as if on a mountain top and look at all sides of the problem. From that understanding can come knowledge, and from knowledge wisdom, and ultimately from wisdom peace.

“Life is short, Break the Rules.
Forgive quickly, Kiss SLOWLY.
Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably
And never regret ANYTHING
That makes you smile.” 
― Mark Twain

Honoring Loss

(In my sleep I dreamed this poem.)

Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this, too, was a gift.  Mary Oliver “Thirst” (2006)  from The Uses of Sorrow

bachelorbuttons

In the late spring of this last year I lost a family member. She was only 23 years old and had the entire world at her feet. She was beautiful, quiet, smart and loved by many people—friends and family alike. For the rest of my life I will miss her with all my heart.

As the tears feel as if they will never cease, I have to remember that she would not have wanted me to be unhappy on her account. But to grieve is the essential thing I must do now until I have purged as much sorrow and anger and disillusionment from my soul. Then and only then can I find a way to rebuild my relationship with this astonishing young woman.

How long do I need to grieve? My soul tells me “as long as it takes.” Usually that means until the mourning turns into honoring, which it will do over time should I make that next step in my process my eventual goal. It’s tricky. Grief has me right now by the neck, and I know I will miss this lovely girl forever. But I also know from experience that in time I will be able to look at this young lady’s life in its entirety, not just at her death alone. And when I am able to do that, then I can honor everything about her all the way up to and including the day of her passing.

Once I am in the place where my grief welcomes the joy of her spirit, then I can celebrate her life, her memory and how she positively affected our family over the few years of her life. How to celebrate? Everyone has their own way. When my mother died, I began to cook all of her favorite recipes until I had gone through them all at least twice. I love to cook; this is because the kitchen was my mother’s workshop—where her creativity came to the fore. And even now, three years later, I still feel the closeness I felt when she was alive when I am preparing meals for my family as she did for me.

daisies

Here are a few ways other grief counselors have suggested for honoring the loss of a loved one.

  • Plant a garden (in your front/back yard or community)
  • Release beautiful Sky Lanterns in their memory on a special day
  • Make a memory Shadow Box
  • Take memorial pictures at cemetery or cremation site or with urn
  • Make a scrapbook / photo scrapbook of items worn/used or bought for the deceased
  • Make or buy a piece of jewelry (bracelet, necklace, ring) with your loved one’s name and date
  • Get a Tattoo of your loved one (name, photo, date)
  • Take photos of something in nature that help you feel closer to your angel (light, butterflies, flowers, dragonflies, etc…)
  • Make a charitable contribution in your loved one’s name to your favorite charity or organization
  • Collect Soy Jar Candles with scents that remind you of your loved one
  • Create a place in your home for your child’s special things
  • Purchase and name a crater on the moon after your loved one
  • Name a star after your loved one (unofficial, but still cool)
  • Start a charity or non-profit to help others in your situation
  • Keep a blog and write your heart. You can even make it private if you don’t feel comfortable sharing your journey with others
  • Do a balloon release on their special dates, or any day
  • Participate in March of Dimes walk in their name
  • Speak to your hospital about starting or being involved with the bereavement support program available
  • Create or order a custom piece of jewelry with their name on it, and possibly charms that remind you of them
  • Plant a tree
  • Donate memory boxes to your local hospital
  • Donate to a local charity in their name
  • Do a butterfly release
  • Take a creative Photography course
  • Speak their name to anyone willing to listen
  • Celebrate their birthday, in a big or small way, whatever you might feel comfortable with
  • Collect little things here and there that remind you of them
  • Write a letter to them
  • Take a creative writing course, or just start writing
  • Send notes on helium balloons to them

But most importantly, allow yourself all the time you need to fully grieve so that when you are ready to fully celebrate that person’s life, you can go all the way!