Category Archives: Self-Growth

Beware the Distraction Principle

I don’t know if it is true for you, but whenever I do not want to face up to something, I get super busy. The problem with being distracted by too many to-dos is that what is truly happening to me physically, psychically and/or emotionally is that swept under the rug only to emerge later—usually in a crisis situation. I began to notice this right after our oldest boy, my step-son, passed away from injuries he accrued during a motorcycle accident. My family and I were stunned at first—immobilized. Then shortly after the memorial service I found I was filling up every minute of my day with errands, projects and impossible deadlines–anything to keep me from experiencing the full impact of what had just occurred.

Loss often does bring forth a sense of zest—a period of over-activity as a way to bring more “life” into an existence that feels like death warmed over. And this is all well and good unless it keeps one not attending to their sorrow. Luckily, I recognized what was happening early on and did what I needed to do—nothing. I purposefully went on long walks, meditated and listened to orchestral music with my eyes closed. I built an altar in Ryan’s honor filled with flowers, seashells, poems, photos and remnants of past gifts he had given me. I keened, I rocked and swayed to the music of my tears, I prayed for his soul. But mostly I had whispered conversations with him, asking that he say hello to all my previously deceased friends and family and give me the strength and inner peace to live with his loss.

Even now some nine months later I have the overwhelming sense that I have taken on too much. And when I do, I immediately stop what I am doing, have a heart to heart talk with Ryan, and wait until I am in a quiet place in my heart—where I can make sense of the pull of being overly busy to the point of distraction and unease. I sing, I dance, I go for walks—anything to bring myself to a place of stillness, groundedness, centering.

Soul of My Voice

I am pleased to announce that my newest book, Soul of My Voice, is now available at Lulu.com. Amazon.com and BarnesandNoble.com. This text was written as a workbook/journal to accompany my first book, Soul of Voice published in 2016. However, Soul of My Voice is just as effective as a stand alone book, chuck full of essays, poems, quotes, photos, writing prompts and mandalas. Happy reading (and writing, and coloring, etc.)!!

The Power of Expectancy


Often it is said that people get what they least expect, but I’m not so sure that is true. It’s been my experience that when I expect a certain situation to turn out either poorly or fantastically, I get what I expect. The same is true with my clients for if  they expect to not get well, they usually don’t. However, if they expect to feel better, to experience wholeness, and to find some peace of mind, they usually do.
Perhaps the real issue is how can one turn their negative expectations into a positive mindset. Rather than say “I could never do that. Who do I think I am? I’m such a loser!” Instead, “I think I’ll give this a try. I have the courage, determination and discipline to see this through. I am a winner!”
Power resides in expectancy for both good and bad. Our assignment is to expect the best life can offer, to never be satisfied with anything less than just that. Positive expectancy opens the way for success, victory and miracles. It produces an energy that can either build us up or bring us down.
I suggest we meet the challenges of life each day by declaring “I can do that! I can have that! I can be that!” And not be surprised by the changes we see in our lives for the better.

Playful Possibilities

Whether it be solving a problem, meeting a challenge, or making a decision, it is important to make the most creative choice possible. In other words, one should attempt to choose a path leading to a positive win-win conclusion. This isn’t always easy, especially when we become closed-minded and want nothing more than our own way. I’ve found this particularly present in couples counseling. More often than not the two agree to come into counseling only to prove that they are right and the other person wrong.

However, it’s been my experience that the best solution, action or decision comes out of a third thing. Finding that third thing takes an optimum amount of creativity and just plain old playfulness. When we are creative, we give ourselves permission to rely on chance, serendipity and silliness. In fact, through humor many wonderful ideas burst forth from the imagination—the psyche, if you will. Possibilities abound and as a result, one has a sense of freedom to explore and find deeper meanings in the process.

For example, say I want to go on vacation where there are many historical structures and museums to discover and wander through. I want to go with my significant other, but he or she wants to go someplace warm and lie on a sandy beach. We could argue back and forth until one or the other of us gives in, but that is hardly what I would call a win-win situation. We could also opt to not go anywhere since we cannot decide. But that is what I see as a lose-lose situation, not much different from choosing to take separate vacations. I mean, both people get to do “their own thing,” but not together.

After some long talks and research (good old Google), a creative solution can manifest—one which not only satisfies both parties, but excites them as well. This very situation came up for my husband and I; I wanted to go to Europe and he wanted to go to a sunny beach. (I’m sure he was thinking of some Caribbean island although he was never specific.) Where did we end up vacationing?

Greece!

Now these kinds of things take time and effort as well as creativity to produce. Yet, in the long run they are worth it, especially if both parties can approach the issue with a sense of play, good humor and creative energy. It is almost like rubbing your stomach and patting your head at the same time for one must hold their own while at the same time giving in. The answer is to be seriously goofy and goofily serious at the same time. Tricky stuff but it can be done as long as one commits themselves to finding a third way with an attitude of joy, excitement and abandonment.

The Gifts Babies Bring Us

laughingbaby

I count myself as fortunate to not only have a close girlfriend who had a baby in March of this year, but my new neighbors also have a baby turning one year old this November. I am inundated by babies, and I love it! And now with the end of the year’s holidays upon us, I am especially mindful of all the gifts babies can bring to a person’s life.

“All the evidence that we have indicates that it is reasonable to assume in practically every human being, and certainly in almost every newborn baby, that there is an active will toward health, an impulse towards growth, or towards the actualization.”              Abraham Maslow
For me the presence of a baby reminds me that renewal is always possible. A baby promises a new chapter in our lives, a new beginning—perhaps even a second chance. Babies figure prominently during the holidays, foretelling that a change of year will be soon upon us. And with the New Year comes a sense of starting over, of beginning anew, of transformation.

“The single overriding objective in wellness is creating constant personal renewal where we recognize and act on the truth that each day is a miraculous gift, and our job is to untie the ribbons. That’s the Law of Esprit: living life with joy.” Greg Anderson
Babies also signify the birthing of a new idea, project or adventure.  Babies require our diligence. They need to be nourished, disciplined and guided toward positive growth in all areas of their lives. Just like the birthing of our new endeavors, we need to give them the necessary nurturance, focus and positive energy they need to grow and stand on their own.

Babies demand our full presence. Absent-mindedness or laziness cannot be allowed, otherwise danger may follow. The same must be said about that which we are birthing as the New Year approaches. In either case, we must stay healthy, positive and patient, for we are asked to take on a new kind of personal responsibility that pushes forward into realizing our best gifts, whatever form they may take.

“If there are flaws they are in ourselves, and our task therefore must be one not of redesign but of renewal and reaffirmation, especially of the standards in which all of us believe.”   Elliot Richardson

Therefore, sharpen your spiritual eyesight and be on the lookout for all the babies within the scope of your vision, for you are entering a time or renewal and reaffirmation—the adventure of bringing into the world the seeds of your life’s purpose, the birthing and re-birthing of your heart’s desires.